bekeeblog

i got mad and i broke.

there's this weird feeling of letting someone down, but that's not at all true or tangible. i can't word it quite right, but i know that there's no one who is affected by my decision but me and that makes it not as bad, which seems really stupid.

i had a frustrating day, an almost tolerable drive home, and an incident that made me feel like i needed a cigarette, and i bought a pack. that's all there is. problem is, i won't throw the rest of it away. it was almost $8. chump change, really. i won't even spend that on a sit-in movie, on principal.

i am relating this because i want record of an attempt at something that i haven't tried before. but i'll try it again. as sure as you sit there and read this.

i need a new plan... i didn't think it through. i just picked a date and stopped. you'd think that would be enough, right? it's not. there are minute-by-minute factors to consider, which i didn't.

who was it? mark twain who said "i've quite a million times". i'd rather not experience this a million times...