there are two things stopping me from taking the bus to work. one is the initial departure time, and the other is the one-minute layover between buses. kurt says i can tell the first bus driver to ask the second bus driver to not leave til i get there, but that seems narcissistic.
maybe, after i get my bike repaired tomorrow, i will use it to get downtown and then i don't have to worry about a transfer.
in other news: i'm as tired as rip van winkle today.
i just spilled nearly a large amount of coffee on my desk (it missed my phone by less than an inch). i wish my personal fan were here to cheer me on.
in other news: this is my ninth entry titled "bleh". i'll bet the other eight have been in the last year.
i find it difficult to describe what i do in a cube all day... i think this little chart sums it up enough for the average layperson.
randomly feeling on the verge of crying. work should not make a person feel this way.
sleep deprivation doesn't help either. i could not fall asleep last night. i think it was 5 before i didn't see the clock for an hour.
i was about to say it has been a while since a workstress dream. until last night.
it actually involved me (in the dream) yelling, "mother FUH!" and it woke me up, two minutes before the alarm would have.
my right, lower eye is twitching.
we have an ornery and tired bekee today. let's not discuss it.
workmates and i have invented a fictional personality to host a knitting show on the radio: "knitting with joy. hi, i'm joy, joy crammer." she hosts the show by simply knitting, only stopping to talk if she drops a stitch or if there's a phone call. the call isn't audible, since the handset isn't mic'd, and it's always her mom.
when she's knitting, all you can hear is a faint click, click, click... and sometimes a whistle from her nostril. if you're lucky, you'll be able to mentally observe her creating a center-pull ball for her next project.
another monday... everyone seems kinda down. no one's taking the group walk to the cafe, i've had my headphones on for the hour i've been here. i have a project due on friday and i don't want to do it.
i hate the royal we. especially when it could simply be replaced with, "i need you to do this for me." or "this needs to be done by yesterday, can you do it?"
apparently, it's also referred to as the "editorial we":
Mark Twain once said, "Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we'."
after a long weekend, i usually forget my keycard on the dining room table. this morning, it didn't even occur to me until i got to donna dr. at century ave; 5 minutes away from work.
luckily, spetharoonio got here at quarter to 4*, so he was able to run downstairs and let me in.
*not really, it's a running joke about certain people's arrival time and their commitment to work.
it's a three-day week. usually, this is welcome... but sometimes people still try to squeeze the equivalent of a 40-hour week in. i don't mean to say i'll work 40 hours anyway, more like there's reduced rest time during the three days we're here.
as i say to the co-workers, "heads down, boys!"
this whole week has had me really unmotivated.
coming back to work after 10 days off... it's kinda nice to see everyone again. we'll see how i feel in a couple days.
first, from a meeting perspective, i had to stand up for 15 minutes to discuss the process of a project in order to drive awareness and maintain visibility towards the end goal. then, the visibility to the café was announced and from a muffin, i had a great time.
afterwards, from a BiTwiConAppPersp, i updated the data file in order to continue the visibility to see the end of the project. also, from a bathroom standpoint, my goals were met.
our team as a whole touchbase meeting was extremely shareful and will continue to provide line of sight to KTLO and MMORPG projects within the business. this meeting will hopefully remove barriers and knock down obstacles toward self-improvement and career changes. afterwards, i went incognito in order to remove some of my own barriers and fill the void with some scrubbing.
my individual touch base was a series of information sharing, working toward spreading the knowledge from a user experience standpoint. the visibility to upcoming projects has created a need and it will be solved at some point after all those barriers are removed.
soon, i will discuss the changes to the usability test format which will involve driving awareness toward the building of our knowledgebase. afterwards, my needs will have been filled and i will go home, thankful that i was able to celebrate girls today.
*this documents the misspellings and improper language use that i get to weed through on a daily basis at work. it also represents how much i'm looking forward to my week off.
i think i'm safe; my boss doesn't read my blog.
so, i've just breezed past my official 5 year anniversary at work... 1.5 years at the beginning of my tenure didn't "count" because i chose to keep it temporary (more $/hour)... i've had my current position for a little over a year. and i kinda want to talk to the boss-man about dropping the "associate" from the beginning of my title (which essentially means asking for a promotion).
i have never done that before... i feel kinda weird about it; it seems like saying, "hey, it doesn't seem like you notice or appreciate me as much as i think you should. care to prove it?"
mattel made fortune's top 100 places to work list (number 77). so they're giving us next friday off in celebration.
it took me over 1.5 hours to get home last night. not commuting is the one factor that i would be willing to exchange current for new even if all other factors remained the same.
i also need a kind reader to let me know when the next home badger basketball game is so i can take the northern route home.
i've wanted to call in every day this week, but i haven't. mostly because it's a new year, and i never got quite sick enough, and things are going okay. but there's that underlying feeling that i wanted to, but didn't so they owe me something for my dedication. that's about the best i can explain it.
it's completely irrational anyway. i'm supposed to crawl out of bed and come to work and do my best and go home.
too bad kurt stopped playing the lottery when we bought the house.
the first day back after 11 days off hasn't been too awful. there has been quite a bit of cleaning up from the updated yesterday, and now i can get to reading through articles that i skipped for later over the break.
thank goodness friday is almost upon us.
the best boss in the whole world is leavin. it's okay. but it fucking sucks.
yea, i used the eff word. with reason and vigor.
all i can hope is that when his endeavor becomes successful, he'll think of me.
extremely low pressure and low effort.
we have to do something to retain sanity... so we're trying a weekly event. someone just happened to have a camera today, so we could document it. evidence below:
oh, and my unofficial goal for this event is to have it company-wide in about a month and a half. the tie can also be worn as a belt or headband.
i need to get some more ties.
i've instituted a weekly activity at work. mutual appreciation monday. every week, i ask that everyone communicate in such a way that is positive, complimentary, and almost inappropriate.
much like deborah norville, and her awesome web presence. i only wish i had thought to put it in book form first. what a genius.
i'm home sick today, a little bit of malaise, and a little bit of nature-induced cramping (tmi, i know). and i've determined that it would be absolutely impossible for me to ever work from home on a regular basis. i'd have to rent space somewhere.
the dogs are jumping all over me, Kurt's laying on the couch watching the nfl channel and i'm still in my pjs. it's 10:30.
i just made my first catmeme. it's for someone at work.
the kitchen opens at mickey's in less than a week...
kurt asked if i wanted to be a runner (someone who delivers food to tables).
i'm thinking about it.
this is so silly... i got so furious at work today that i started crying in a meeting.
yah.
totally not like me, totally out of the blue, and totally weird. i just had so much rage and anger and frustration that i had to hold my eyes with my sleeves to keep from bawling.
you see, i heard something that wasn't said. i can't actually even tell you what was said immediately before i freaked out, but what i heard was, "someone thinks whoever did this can't do their job."
and i flipped. internally, i was raging. i had the strongest desire to punch, kick, cry, slam, and yell.
but what's weird is that it's not what was said, and quite possibly not even what was implied, but it's what i heard.
the most ridiculous part is that i don't know why it upset me. like, physically upset me in such a way that i couldn't make myself behave with a normal reaction. which, most likely would have been, "they don't know wtf they're talking about. eff them."
needless to say, i'm very glad that tomorrow is friday... i just wish i could shake the feeling of "if i quit, they'd be fucked."
and i don't swear on my blog unless it's necessary.
i forgot to mention that i even left work and drove to cross plains, smoking my first weekday cigarette before 5pm in almost two years. it was lovely, well-deserved, and necessary.
i'm about to crawl out of my skin. i don't think i can stay here til 5.
if everyone thanks god that it's friday with such vehemence, doesn't that indicate that something is wrong, and if something is that wrong, shouldn't it be fixed? or at least addressed?
work's been a little nutty lately. so, yesterday, we decided it was FULL BLARE day. everyone turned their phone ringers up, and talk just a little louder than normal. it was quite amusing.
we had a reorg last week. i didn't blog about it cuz the house stuff was on my mind. but, i'm now in a different department. so, i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
normally, i wouldn't self-volunteer to bring work home, but this weekend was the perfect one to do so. i have a smallish project that's been hanging over my head for a while, and i was able to get it (mostly) done friday and today; with the help of the bedroom a.c. and my trusty laptop. this makes it possible for me to take a vacation day on the 16th to continue with house stuff.
thank goodness our friend Judy is gunna come help edge so we don't have to tape everything off. we're betting we can get the dining/livingroom done in a couple of days. then there's the upstairs bedrooms...
everyone is nutty at work this week. we have several days off next week for the holiday, and a handful of people will be supplementing the vacation with extra days so all is crazy around here.
who knew... 6 years ago, i was a couple weeks out of college, waiting to have my first day at my current employer. i held both the relay job and this one for about a week and a half while i worked out my two-week's notice. i was awfully tired.
i can't believe i'm still here.
this time of year, i wake up with the sunrise and all the birds chirping outside; at least until we put the window a/c's in and i can't hear a thing.
so, i'm walking into work this morning behind an unfamiliar woman (so i presume she thinks the same of me) and she buzzed herself in and strategically pulled the door shut behind her so i'd have to buzz myself in.
now, i understand the need for our security system... proprietary information is just that, but wtf would i be doing in the parking lot at 6:50am with my purse, coffee, and nalgene if not going to work?
what an amazing experience. without seeming cheesy, it really was. i even had to get over my anxiety about presenting to a room full of vp's and directors. i was nervous and could feel my heart beating in my throat, but i got over it cuz i had to.
the entire experience was so worth it. and even if it becomes some weird buzzword in the company, i understand its worth and appreciate the necessity when used well.
and kelli, you'd be perfect as a facilitator. :)
so, i've been having intermittent back problems since last november, when i bent over to toss the hairtrap into the bathtub drain and stood up to muscle spasms, the pain of which i had never experienced before in my life.
fast forward to a month ago, where every monday through thursday, some time between 1:30 and 4, my left arm and leg would start tingling. the only thing that seemed to relieve it was to stand up and walk around. it is/was not really painful, just really annoying. a quick google search narrowed down my ailment to one of three things: an aneurysm, fibromyalgia, or spinal misalignment/sciatica. i opted for the last one and went off to the chiropractor. it doesn't seem to be helping... but it does get me outta work 30 minutes early once a week.
since standing up is the quickest-acting remedy i've found, i asked the responsible parties at work to raise my desk; this was finished yesterday with positive results. it's at a height that i can stand or sit in a tall chair, without straining anything, and i'm happy to report that there was no tingling yesterday until i got into the car to come home. and that only lasted a couple seconds.
today is testing me.
though, i think this little guy will make my mood brighter:
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
so, i just realized i never officially announced getting the new position at work. i think i was waiting to tell mom at breakfast and we were interrupted by weather or something. anyway, i'm now officially an associate user experience designer. i didn't get a raise; or a bigger office. just more work and responsibility. isn't that how corporate america is supposed to be?
but... since the new role isn't that big of a stretch from what i've been doing for the last 5 years, i've had both jobs for the last couple weeks. everything was fine til the other front-end design technologist got called to jury duty. so i'm doing all three jobs for three days.
i know, it's only three days, but there's like 43 projects going on right now and i don't think people realize that i'm doing all of them.
my gut hurts. :(
so, things come in threes, right?
at the beginning of the month, i applied for a different position at work. one which will afford me the time (hopefully) to learn some skills that i really should have known to carry my current title, but was never afforded the opportunity to grasp; today i learned that i got the job. it's good news, really, but i'm kinda weird about praise (or compliments of any kind... not sure why; i'm working on it though), so it's actually hard for me to believe that i got it. matter of fact, it was taking so long for the bureaucratic part of it to get worked out that i had convinced myself that they were just waiting to figure out how to tell me that i didn't get it.
also, this morning, the company also learned that we are, in fact, getting bonuses this year. it's always been rumor that we won't, right up until the biggest lady in charge tells us that we are.
and, i finally saw a house on the internets that i want to go see. to you homeowners, this might seem like a silly thing to get giddy, excited, nervous, weirded out about... but to me, it's a strange, new adventure that hadn't even occurred to me until 6 months ago. so cut me some slack.
things are certainly turning up bekee, and i'm uneasy about it. it's the pessimistic optimist in me.
i was gunna put this in dreamy, but it's more about work. i had a work-stress dream last night that involved several work people. it had to do with too many emails, emails being deleted, questions staying unanswered, people not getting the information they needed, lots more meetings, bigger meetings with more people, circular table arrangements, commentary from people who shouldn't comment. needless to say, i didn't wake up very smiley.
i love checking this out when i really don't want to be at work:
http://www.soils.wisc.edu/asig/webcam.html. it helps for a little bit...
i get grumpy, ornery, and reflective about coming back to work. it usually takes a week to wear off before i cooperate at 100%.
this year is no exception.
sorry i haven't rapped at ya in any consistent manner... i've been awfully busy at work and have no desire to compute when i get home.. and i haven't thought of anything very interesting to share lately, either.
i am knitting a lot though, for the holidays, and a friend wants me to make a pink elephant for his neice, so that'll be a nice change. i haven't done stuffed animals yet.
we have to participate in halloween. we were told it was voluntary but it's not. we're spending a meeting this morning talking about it. some of us aren't happy.
as soon as i get 24 phrases, i'm going to make a lingo bingo card.
here are my favorite three from a meeting today:
"[we need to] raise the awareness up"
"...[just have to] give visibility to"
and my personal favorite (which conjurs up images to tasks that only take one full day to complete), "at the end of the day..."
to all you cubefarm workers... are there instances in which you might wish for a door on your cube in order to facilitate uninterrupted work? if not, are there people at your workplace that create an artificial barrier across their cube entrance (nichole:yellow police tape, for example)? some people here do that and i think it's a little weird.
i've been afflicted by ennui for a couple weeks now.. it's getting slightly worse each day. i'm not sure what to do about it.
i was in new york sitting at madame x's on houston watching kurt spent $8 for a shot of cuervo. right now.
a horrible pain in my left wrist woke me last night. the only thing i can think of that i did differently yesterday was lift and push around a bunch of chairs for a meeting. so i'm wearing my wrist brace from my relay days. i was hoping i'd never have to use it again, but instead, i might need to buy a right-handed one, too.
i have a knot in my shoulder that keeps migrating from one side to the other but won't go away.
also, on my drive home friday, my left hand started tingling.
and i had a panic attack during a meeting this morning and had to ask to be excused.
for the last few days (including last week), i've gotten a headache exactly at 4pm. today it's starting at ten past one.
not too long ago, toilet-seat cover dispensers were installed in the womens' restrooms at work. every time i hear someone use one, i wonder what they want to be protected from... and what they did for the 8 years previous.
there are about 800 people who are pregnant right now at work. i'm obviously exaggerating, but there are really at least 16. so, of course, people joke about "the water". i feel like they're all checking out my tummy to see if i'm showing; which i have NO reason to.
oh, we're not going camping this weekend. both kurt and i forgot that we're watching sam, so it'll be another dog-filled weekend. he's starting to come around to jones' presence. and he doesn't seem as pissed off at us for getting a dog. :)
the woman in the stall next to me used her foot to activate the flusher. i could tell because of the shoe-shift and shadow-change on the floor. i tried it. it was neat.
i'm practically crawling out of my skin right now. in less than an hour, i will be starting a 5-day weekend; and i don't have any projects to start on to keep me busy for the next 54 minutes.
i have a case of the mondays.
there's a slight vibe around the cubefarm. i don't think it's mercury, either.